Mother’s Day

According to the Orthodox Julian calendar, Mother’s Day falls this year on St. Thomas Sunday, the first Sunday after Pascha. As a civil holiday, Mother’s Day is not part of the Church’s liturgical cycle and can therefore be understated or overlooked, especially in traditional Eastern Orthodox churches. As a nod to the noble role of motherhood, please allow me to share one of my favorite columns by Erma Bombeck regarding God’s act of creating mothers…

She says that on the day of creating mothers, God had already worked long overtime. And an angel said, “Lord, you sure are spending a lot of time on this one.”

The Lord turned and said, “Have you read the specs on this model? She is supposed to be completely washable, but not plastic. She is to have 180 moving parts, all of them replaceable. She is to have a kiss that will heal everything from a broken leg to a broken heart.”

“She is to have a lap that will disappear whenever she stands up. She is to be able to function on black coffee & leftovers. And she is supposed to have six pairs of hands.”

“Six pairs of hands,” said the angel, “that’s impossible.” “It’s not the six pairs of hands that bother me,” said the Lord, “It’s the three pairs of eyes. She is supposed to have one pair that sees through closed doors so that whenever she says, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ she already knows what they’re doing in there.”

“She has another pair in the back of her head to see all the things she is not supposed to see but must see. And then she has one pair right in front that can look at a child that just goofed and communicate love and understanding without saying a word.”

“That’s too much.” said the angel, “You can’t put that much in one model. Why don’t you rest for a while and resume your creating tomorrow?”

“No, I can’t,” said the Lord. “I’m close to creating someone very much like myself. I’ve already come up with a model who can heal herself when she is sick, who can feed a family of six with one pound of hamburger and who can persuade a nine year old to take a shower.”

Then the angel looked at the model of motherhood a little more closely and said, “She’s too soft.” “Oh, but she is tough,” said the Lord. “You’d be surprised at how much this mother can do.”

“Can she think?” asked the angel. “Not only can she think,” said the Lord, “but she can reason and compromise and persuade.”

Then the angel reached over and touched her cheek. “This one has a leak,” he said. “I told you that you couldn’t put that much in one model.” “That’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “That’s a tear.”

“What’s a tear for?” asked the angel. “Well it’s for joy, for sadness, for sorrow, for disappointment, for pride.” “You’re a genius,” said the angel. And the Lord said, “Oh, but I didn’t put it there.”

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